


Maybe I was always small, but I could fly before I crawled

by Changed_For_Good (orphan_account)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 2x22 fix it, Break Up/Make Up, Complete, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, I've been HCing SG with Idina songs for ages, Kara and Lena have a big argument but are respectful of each other!, Multi Chapter, Sanvers and Scholsen are background pairings, This is not Mon-El friendly. i.e this is canon compliant, Wanna read Kara getting th fuck over that shitbag? Here's a fic!, also they used an Idina Menzel song!! I called that!!!, anyway, hes a massive fucking ass, i warned you all of the bullshit, made me cry writing itt, this is... whatever it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-04 13:26:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10991853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Changed_For_Good
Summary: Kara deals with the aftermath of the day with some of the people she loves the most.





	1. If there's nothing to break my fall

 

 

 

"There was a moment this year where I felt completely broken. When I regretted a choice that changed my life," Alex started, walking slowly across the balcony. Kara stood still, solid, staring at the sky, imagining that one of the stars was the pod that carried Mon-El away.  
"And you... forced your way into my home, wrapped your arms around me, and you said 'I'm proud of you'. It didn't make me feel any better at the time," Alex admitted, letting a hint of a chuckle into her voice.  
"But it gave me something to hold on to."  
Kara continued to stare forwards, willing herself not to meet her sister's eye lest the tears start falling. She was already sick of the tears that kept falling.  
"I am so _proud_ of you." Alex said, the tears already filling her own eyes, because she knew that what was upsetting Kara was not the loss of Mon-El. Not the person himself, but the company that he symbolised. A person who was insistent enough to break her down, regardless of how forcefully. He stopped her from being lonely, even if his presence meant she was being called names and doubted. 

It was easier to not think about these things whilst he was here, and she had to make it work.

"Do you... do you want me to stay over tonight, you know I can be there for as long as you need-" She offered, but Kara cut her off quickly.  
"No, no. Go be with your girlfriend." Kara insisted, and Alex's heart nearly broke with the agony of seeing her push her away like this, as if it were for Alex's sake. As if she thought she wasn't worth comforting.

Alex would be forever furious that this was Mon-El's influence.

"I need to know that you two are happy. Like I want to know about Winn and Lyra, J'onn and M'Gann, Clark and Lois." She said.  
"It's not like everybody else's world stopped. You don't have to act like it." She added, and Alex wanted to scream at the unfairness of the world, for bringing her sister a man who dismantled her self confidence, who belittled her, and still left her broken when he was gone.  
"What do you need right now?" Alex asked her, meeting her eyes for the first time in the conversation. They both pretended that they weren't near crying.  
"Just... never let her go. Okay?" Kara whispered. Alex nodded gently.

Kara turned around, walking back into the DEO. Past Maggie, who stood at the balcony door.  
"Are you okay, Kara?" She asked.  
"I might be, one day," Kara replied. She knew Maggie would understand.  
"If you need us, call us, Kara. Please." Maggie pleaded. Kara looked away before she could cry, and waited until Maggie's footsteps retreated to the balcony, to be with Alex.

She made her way towards Winn, who sat staring at some screens, not as focussed as usual. She slumped into a chair beside him, wordlessly.  
"Got any plans with Lyra?" She asked gently, trying desperately not to sound as bitter as she felt. Winn cast her a questioning look.  
"Not since I broke up with her." He stated, and the bluntness of the statement shocked her.  
"You did? Why?"  
"When she got angry when something went wrong, she made me feel like it was my fault. She humiliated me in front of lots of people, was unnecessarily aggressive. I had to speak to my therapist after the incident with James and that... child." He explained, trailing off towards the end. Lara's eyes widened as she remembered Winn's family history with children, and how traumatising that must have been for him.  
"He helped me to understand what is acceptable in a relationship and what isn't and even though it wasn't frequent, her refusal to apologise and her guilt tripping wasn't fair. So... we broke up."  
"I'm sorry," Kara whispered, realising how little she'd been there for Winn during all this. How much of her attention Mon-El had demanded. How much of it she felt she had to give him so that he didn't get bored of her like he did with Eve, or his Daxamite ex girlfriend, or any of his many flings on Earth.  
"Don't be. It was for the best," Winn shrugged. "It hurts for now, but I'll heal. I have my family here." He smiled, looking around the DEO. Kara nodded slowly.

"Kara? I don't mean to be invasive, and purely as a friend but.. Mon-El? He didn't treat you like you deserved." Winn told her gently, and Kara bit her lip as he continued.  
"I loved you for a long time. And I treated you badly when you rejected me, and I never apologised for that. And I'm not saying I was perfect, because I'm far from it, but Kara, when he followed you into the DEO whilst you were trying to deal with Mxyzptlk and he shouted at you, and he got into your face? That scared me, and it wasn't me he did it to. And when he told everyone you were dating when you'd asked him not to? That was wrong, Kara, he was wrong-" He stopped abruptly when he noticed Kara was sobbing.  
"Kara, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have-"  
"No, you're right, Winn, you're right, I just..." She sniffled, wiping tears away.  
"I was afraid of being alone. I didn't know how to deal with Alex being with Maggie and being the only one of us to be alone. Everyone I know is happy and in love, and I'm alone again." Kara said, tears creating tracks down her face.  
"No no no, Kara, you are never alone," Winn promised, grabbing her hand.  
"Listen, I know that society conditions you to think the opposite but platonic love- siblings, friends, are not inferior to romantic love. Tonight, James and I are going to watch films and we're probably going to cuddle on his couch like men." Winn told her, and Kara couldn't help but giggle.  
"And not everyone you know is happy right now, Kara. You know someone who has lost everyone. Who had been betrayed time and time again, who also lost her love just a few weeks ago." Winn reminded her, and Kara instantly thought of Lena, who was probably drinking alone again, who was probably lost and scared.  
"Lena... you're right, Winn. I should go and check in on her." She agreed, and barely had time to thank him before she was flying out of the open balcony door.

Winn watched her go, and remembered earlier that day the frequency in which Lena mentioned Kara as she worked. Or the sparkle in Kara's eye that would appear whenever she had a date with Lena. He wondered how long it would take for them to realise their feelings for each other. He hoped that they'd have time to heal first.

\---

Lena was emptying yet another glass of scotch. God knows how many had preceded it. She didn't make a habit of drinking, but today the feelings were too strong to dull with sleep or yoga. Because her mother had manipulated her again, had promised to put her first for once only to steal the credit for the invention she adapted, and Supergirl probably hated her for making the device that effectively banished her boyfriend. Perhaps if she hadn't been so _useless_ , she told herself, she could have found an alternative, could have stopped Supergirl from going through the same pain she did when Jack died, could have been less _selfish_ -  
"Lena." A gentle utterance of her name shook her out of her internal monologue. Kara Danvers stood at the door of her office, puffy eyed.  
"Don't cry for him. He was cheating on you with Supergirl." Lena hissed straight off the bat, which she probably would have regretted had she not finished half a decanter of particularly strong scotch.  
"No, Lena. I am Supergirl." Kara retorted, not quite angrily. Lena regarded her, her expression unreadable.  
"Makes sense. Well, now I only have one friend in National City. Maybe none, given that I've killed their boyfriend." Lena laughed dryly, refilling her glass. Kara strode across the room and prevented her from lifting it straight to her mouth.  
"You really think that I would hate you for what happened? That I would blame you?" Kara asked, and Lena sniffed back tears.  
"I don't see why you wouldn't. I'm a Luthor, after all." She growled through tears.  
"And I'm a Zor-El. My father created a weapon of mass destruction that your mother tried to wipe out the alien population with. The only reason it didn't work was because of you, Lena. And today I used the same type of genocidal weapon that my father created, like I promised I never would. I killed hundreds of beings."  
"You made sacrifices for that."  
"And you haven't? You haven't made sacrifices for every decision you've made, for better or worse?" Kara questioned, and Lena had to break eye contact.  
"If it weren't for me, you'd still have your boyfriend."  
"If it weren't for me, you'd still have yours, too." Kara concurred, and Lena finally lowered her glass to the tray, and stepped away.  
"I didn't love him like I should have. I still feel guilty about that." Lena admitted after a moment, staring at the floor as if it were particularly interesting. She had turned away from Kara, so she couldn't see her tears.  
"He understood me, and we got along well, of course. I enjoyed being around him. I thought he was the only one who could ever love me, and I got so caught up with that that I forgot how to not depend on his approval. I was just so afraid of... something..."  
"Loneliness." Kara offered, laying a hand gently on Lena's shoulder. Lena turned sharply.  
"That was why... I think... I was with Mon-El. Because he made me not lonely. Even though he was too demanding, and he made me feel like I couldn't spread my attention much thinner or he'd leave me. I was just so scared of being lonely again, like I was when I first arrived here." Kara explained. Lena turned her whole body, and stroked some hair out of Kara's face.  
"Kara, you never have to be alone. You have so many people who love you. Me included, even though I'm not much-"  
"Lena, you are everything to me. You light up my life every time we have lunch. Every time we talk. You don't have to be alone either." Kara insisted, opening her arms and drawing Lena into a hug. They buried their faces into the crooks of each other's necks and didn't even try to hide the fact that they were crying.

"Can we agree to start being not-alone together?" Lena asked, after ten minutes or so of wet sobbing.  
"I'd like that." Kara nodded, pulling away from the slightly soggy embrace.  
"I have a big bed, dry clothes, and Netflix at mine?" Lena asked, and Kara smiled.  
"I'll fly?"  
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Lena asked suddenly.  
"At first, it was because I didn't want your mother to be able to torture information out of you, I didn't want to be responsible for you hurting like that. And then I felt guilty for not telling you for so long." Kara explained, more precisely than Lena was expecting.  
"Can we talk about it when I'm not tipsy?" Lena asked, painfully aware that although their discussion had been sobering, she was still struggling to form coherent sentences.  
"Of course. We can talk about anything, whenever you want."  
"He never deserved you, you know, Kara? On that ship, he didn't resist his mother at all. When she made plans to make a baby from us with stolen genetic material-"  
"She _what_?!" Kara seethed.  
"- he did nothing. He just let her, and you deserved someone who would fight for you."  
"Like you do?"  
"Like I do, but better than me. Someone who deserves you." Lena said. Kara shook her head.  
"No, I don't deserve you. In any capacity." She insisted. Lena shook her head in disagreement, before realising that it was pointless.  
"When will we stop tearing ourselves down to suit our romantic partners?" Lena mused, The alcohol clearly loosening her tongue still, she noted.  
"When we've healed, I guess." Kara replied.  
"Then let me help you? Heal, I mean?" Lena asked, taking Kara's hand gently. Kara smiled.  
"Lena, you have been since I met you. You've been the one whose given me purpose. Inspired me. Driven me," Kara said. "I realise that now."  
"I wouldn't have been half as resilient as I have been if I wasn't fighting for you, Kara." Lena told her.  
"You would have. Because you've been fighting for good, and I'm proud of you, Lena. I don't tell you that enough." And seeing Lena shudder and preen at the affection, she vowed to give it more often.

\---

When they finally made it back to Lena's, and they were nestled together in just t-shirts, whispering praises of 'I'm proud of you' and 'you're amazing', 'you're unstoppable', 'you deserve the world', 'you deserve to be happy', they finally felt safe. Appreciated.

They knew it would take a long time for the ache in their hearts to fade. But with each other, the battle, for the first time in a long time, seemed bearable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. If I don't make it, sing my song

 

 

 

When Kara awoke with a soft weight on top of her, hair that was not her own stuck to her face, and desperate hands clung to her, she couldn't help but feel for a moment that everything was as it should be. And then the reality of the present set in, that Lena had fallen asleep sobbing, and that she had been sobbing too. She'd still done what she promised she'd never and set a genocidal weapon off, destroying thousands of lives. Most of who had died were slaves, turned soldiers, fighting through a drug filled haze. And she had loved -or at least thought she had- one of their leaders. Who had once again escaped unharmed, leaving his people to peril.

The more distance that was between them, the easier it was to recognize that perhaps some of his behavior was inexcusable. And then the guilt fell again, and she knew that he was up there alone, god knows where. Did she not at least owe it to him to try to love him? Even now?

"I can hear you thinking," Lena murmured, still nestled into Kara tightly. Kara's chest moved with a slight laugh, raising Lena's head with it.  
"Would you like to repeat that? I think my boobs absorbed most of what you just said." Kara teased, and Lena retaliated by lifting her head and delivering a withering glare.  
"Hilarious, Supergirl." Lena drawled, but her smile gave her away.  
"How's the hangover?" Kara shot back. Lena groaned, suddenly aware of how much she'd drunk. That would explain the pressure in her head.  
Kara giggled for a moment, and Lena was considering attempting to chuck her out of the bed. But when she used her superspeed to get her some aspirin and a glad of water, Lena could barely complain.

\---

They ended up going out for breakfast. Lena watched in wonder as Kara demolished the largest stack of pancakes she's ever seen. It was kind of breathtaking, even if slightly gross.  
"Y'know," Kara grinned, putting down her cutlery as Lena took a sip of orange juice. "I'm glad you know I'm supergirl because it means I can eat as much as I want in front of you."  
A sudden realization dawned on Lena.  
"You've been starving yourself on our dates?" She asked, the thought paining her a little.  
"I would go a lot further to keep you safe, Lena." Kara shrugged, as if it wasn't the first time she'd been put before someone else. Maybe ever.  
"You shouldn't, Kara. Supergirl is bigger than me. The protection of national city _has_ to be bigger than me."  
"No. Love is putting someone's needs before yours, Lena."  
Lena's mind raced. On one hand, Kara had just admitted, openly, that she loved her. That was more than she deserved, certainly, but she couldn't help but be slightly irritated. Because Kara had just spent hours crying over Mon-El, and Kara knew how badly Lena relied on validation and love, and how quickly she could fall when she got it. So one of the first things that occurred to Lena was not a rational response like 'you love me?' Or perhaps even 'I love you too' because the pain was still fresh, and the anger and hurt and betrayal hadn't even began to heal and so, instead, her first response was:  
"Did Mon-El ever put your needs before his?"

Kara's eyes instantly narrowed in acute annoyance.  
"Where is this coming from, Lena?" She questioned, watching Lena tense defensively in her seat.  
"Well, you seemed pretty in love with him, and he never seemed to even think about what you needed." Lena hissed, pointedly.  
"Who are you angry at here?" Kara asked, incredulously. Lena sighed.  
"I don't know. Both of you, I guess. Him for being useless, and you for being hung up on him despite all of that."  
"I am not having this argument with you here." Kara snapped, and Lena backed down quickly.  
"Okay. This isn't a good place, I'm sorry."  
"Sorry for what?"  
"For arguing here. I'm not sorry for what I said." Lena replied, and Kara sighed deeply, almost a growl.  
"Come with me. We're talking about this elsewhere." 

\---

Kara storms all the way to her apartment. Lena follows with respectful distance, only even coming close to her when they go through the door to Kara's apartment. Kara closes the door tensely, clearly frustrated.  
"Base rules. No shouting." Kara stated firmly. Lena nodded.  
"I wouldn't shout at you, Kara. It's demeaning. Can I also ask that personal space is maintained?" Lena asked. Kara nodded.  
"Right. Because we can settle anger maturely, without intimidating each other, right?"  
"Right."  
"I don't understand why you're angry with me," Kara stated, wringing her hands.  
"I'm not angry at you, Kara. It's not your fault-"  
"If it's not my fault, then why are you arguing with me?"  
"Will you let me finish my sentence?" Lena huffed, and Kara nodded. She was stood by her kitchen island, and Lena was just a few feet away, arms crossed tightly.  
"I'm angry that you'll accept he did awful things to you, and still mourn him as if he were a hero. He doesn't deserve your sadness, Kara," Lena insisted.  
"You don't understand," Kara responded, flatly.  
"Then make me understand."  
"As a child, I lost everything. I came here and I was lost. I wanted it to be different for him."  
"You could have done that as a friend, Kara. You didn't have to date him!" Lena exclaimed, exasperated.  
"But he started acting jealously, and he wasn't a bad person-"  
"- he lied to you for months, Kara!"  
"And I lie to everyone. About who I am, Lena. I lie about it. I lied to you, does that make me a bad person?"  
"You lied to me to protect me. He lied to you to protect himself, because he _knew_ you were above falling for a slave owner. Or at least thought he knew,"  
"What are you accusing me of, Lena?"  
"I am _not_ accusing you of anything. I just don't understand how you push me to be better, to run against my mother, to be moral, but will tolerate him doing the opposite, and not only tolerate him for it, but worship him!" Lena burst out, pacing a little. She bit the inside of her cheek, drawing blood.  
"So what about Jack." Kara snapped after a moment's pause. Lena's head snapped in her direction.  
"What about him?"  
"Well you're mourning him and he killed people."  
"He was _mind controlled_ , Kara. And I still sacrificed him for you. If it came down to me and Mon-El on that ship, would you have chosen me?" Lena hissed. Kara screwed her eyes shut, bringing her index finger and thumb to squeeze on the bridge of her nose, jaw clenched.  
"I'd have tried to save you both, because everyone deserves a chance at redemption."  
"And how many did he have? How many did he waste?"  
"Why does that matter now?! He's gone. He's up there in space, alone, and if I don't believe in him nobody will."  
"He doesn't deserve your belief, Kara. He didn't believe in you right at the end when you were about to fight Rhea. He wanted to send Superman in instead, so why keep trying-"  
"Because I gave him my mother's necklace to keep him company, and if I don't get him back, I really have lost everything." Kara told her, but sobs broke her voice, and tears soon flowed freely down her face.  
"Your mothers necklace?"  
"When I escaped Krypton, she gave it to me. It was the only thing I had of her, and she died with the planet." Kara sniffed, and all of a sudden Lena understood.  
"I didn't want him to be alone, so I gave him the only thing that made me feel safe when I first got here. And now I feel like I've betrayed my mother for giving it away, and him for not even _loving_ him enough to want him to have it. Not really." She explained, and in that moment, Lena's heart shattered.  
"Kara, I'm so sorry-"  
"No, please, Lena. Don't. I just... I need some space, okay? Can you go?"  
"Of course. Call me if you need me." Lena agreed, nodding respectfully. Kara didn't watch her leave. Didn't watch her cast one last sorrowful look in her direction. She only heard the gentle click of the door before she dissolved into tears again.

\---

It was a long two weeks at L-Corp during which Lena heard nothing from Kara. Even the news on Supergirl was few and far between, only cropping up every few days.  
Kara had not asked for Lena to see her, and so Lena had kept her distance. It wasn't until a news article ran that suggested Kara had been in a close fight with an alien that had depleted her powers significantly that Lena decided to bottle it up, and visit her apartment.

It was a Thursday evening, late enough that most people were in their homes. Nobody noticed the CEO of L-Corp taking an elevator to the third floor of a random apartment block. When she got to the door, she instantly considered leaving, but all of a sudden Kara was opening the door, and closing it behind her.  
"You heard me coming?" Lena asked, her voice quiet, sadder than Kara remembered. She nodded.  
"Yeah. I've been waiting. For the past... 13 days." Kara admitted.  
"I thought you didn't want to see me?"  
"I was angry. I'm sorry."  
"No, I'm sorry. I was out of line... I uh... I spoke to my therapist. About why I was angry." Lena admitted. Kara raised an eyebrow.  
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want," Kara offered.  
"No, I want to. Because a lot of what I was angry at you for were things I've internalized myself, with Jack. I... I'm gay, Kara, and I never really... loved him romantically. Not like I should have, I thought, and I tried so hard. Because he loved me, and I didn't think there'd be anyone else who would. And then he died, and I don't know whether to be angry at myself for trying to love him, or angry at myself for not being able to, and I just... it was unfair that I projected that onto you. I'm sorry."  
"I had no idea, Lena. I'm sorry for not... not taking the time to try to understand what you were going through," Kara apologized.  
"A lot of what you said was true, though. I spoke to Alex, and I just... I wanted to see the best in him, but sometimes it's just not there. Now I'm just angry at myself, for letting him take everything from me. My last memories of my home world, nearly even my best friend."  
"Nothing in this world is going to take me away from you, Kara." Lena vowed, and at that she found herself pulled in to a supernaturally strong embrace.  
"I missed you so much," Kara sobbed, and Lena couldn't help but flash back to that day just over two weeks ago where they stood in the same way.  
"I missed you too." Lena admitted, and Kara giggled into her neck.  
"Want to come in? It's games night." Kara offered. Lena looked unsure, but then Kara grabbed her hand.  
"I'm sure Winn will be happy to see you!"

Integrating into the motley crew of friends wasn't as difficult as Lena expected. Alex was hostile at first, but a few well executed puns warmed her up a bit. Maggie was awkward, given that she'd recently arrested her, but the incident was soon forgiven.  
She and Kara teamed up- apparently Lena's presence balanced out their numbers finally, so they had four teams of two: Maggie and Alex, James and Winn, J'onn and M'Gann, and Kara and Lena.  
"Everyone is a couple here except from Lena and Kara!" Teased Maggie, and Lena's eyes shot over to Winn and James, who she hadn't managed to notice were holding hands.  
"I had no idea you two were together, congratulations!" Lena smiled, and James laughed.  
"It's a recent thing!" He admitted, pulling Winn close. Winn pressed a gentle kiss to James' cheek. It was clear from J'onn and M'Gann's faces that they were proud, and happy for them. Lena was too, from her experience with Winn he definitely deserved to be happy.

The evening ended in the table being flipped when Lena completely dominated at monopoly.  
"Point taken, never play Monopoly with a businesswoman!" Winn whined, and James dragged him out of Kara's apartment before he could challenge her to a rematch, given the game had taken 2 hours and it was already 11pm. J'onn and M'Gann left soon after, followed by Alex and Maggie.  
"Want to crash here? We could watch a few more episodes of Brooklyn nine nine?" Kara offered, closing the door after Alex.  
"As long as it's not going to be uncomfortable for you." Lena smiled.  
"Why would it be?" Kara puzzled, tilting her head in the adorable way she tended to.  
"Well... I recently told you I was gay?" Lena responded. Kara laughed, though not unkindly.  
"Lena, most of the people I know are gay. Or at least bi. Hell, I'm bi!" She exclaimed. Lena couldn't keep the surprise off of her face.  
"Really?!"  
"Yeah. It was never a big deal on Krypton. Your mate was chosen purely on compatibility basis. And technology existed to create children from any genetic material, so it didn't really matter-"  
"Don't remind me." Lena groaned, and Kara quickly realized why.  
"I'm sorry. That was... pretty fucked up, huh?"  
"Yeah. I just hope she didn't go through with it... I'm not exactly mother material." Lena sighed.  
"I just... I didn't have many friends at boarding school because I came out as a lesbian and none of the girls would go near me in case I kissed them."  
"Shouldn't that be an honour?" Kara smiled, gently, but soon sobered. "I'm sorry. That's awful."  
Lena took a deep breath, and paused for a moment.  
"Did you mention Brooklyn nine nine?" She smiled.

\---

Lena became a regular part of games night, and as weeks bled into months, the frivolity that used to be regular returned. Kara and Lena resumed their frequent lunch and dinner dates, and her friends watched with great relief as she perked up. It was gradual, but her sadder episodes stopped consisting of 'I love him' and 'I miss him', and became 'I feel bad that he's alone,' and nothing more. Occasionally, she'd find herself reaching to her neck to gently tug on her necklace, the only thing she couldn't break on this planet, given that it was kryptonian metal.

On this particular games night, Kara had close to blown her powers out whilst training. It had been six months exactly since Mon-El had left, and whilst a little guilty, Kara was managing well.  
Kara was curled up on Lena's lap, and Lena was beside Alex, who held a picture album open on her lap. Lena, and Maggie were cooing as Alex flicked through the endless childhood pictures of Alex, and then when she turned 16, Alex and Kara. It was weird, seeing images of the moody, long haired, punk rock teenager with her ray of sunshine little sister who she begrudgingly dragged along at first but soon warmed to. The little girl with long blonde hair who'd lost everything. The little girl who, in most of the pictures, was fiddling with a necklace.  
"Hey, can I look at that?" Lena asked, pointing to a picture of a young Kara's hand, holding an elegant necklace in her palm. Alex slid it out, and passed it to Lena.  
"I don't suppose, being a scientist, you ran any analysis on it?" Lena asked. Alex laughed, kindly.  
"You know me too well, Lena. I did, but both elements are not existent on earth. The mental was some kind of unbreakable one, and the stone I think was a kryptonian mineral of some kind. I couldn't find any close alternatives on earth."  
Lena frowned, and pulled out her phone. She spent about five minutes typing intently before looking slightly satisfied.  
"Is this close to it?" She asked, holding up a picture. Alex regarded it for a moment.  
"Yes, that's very similar. What is it?"  
"Blue Apatite. And the metal..."  
"Don't tell me that L-Corp doesn't have some kind of funding into self repairing metals?" Maggie teased, but Lena's eyes lit up.  
"We do! It's not nearly indestructible in terms of weaponry, but it would suffice for now. I could always add to the necklace as our technology improves." Lena gasped, joyfully.  
"Why do you want to make her a new one?" Maggie asked, head tilting. "She's doing much better now!"  
"I know. But I still want to give her back some of what she's lost. Even if it's not the same, even if it could never hope of replacing it. It's something." Lena shrugged. At that point, Kara began to stir.  
"Mind if I keep this for reference? I'll return it." Lena asked, and Alex just smiled.  
"I trust you, Lena." She told her, before her and Maggie headed back home.

She'd long since snuggled into bed with Kara when she realized that Alex may not have been referring to the picture.

\---

"Hey, Lena? Brunch today?" Kara asked, brightly. She'd barely been seeing Kara except from in the evenings, recently.  
"I'm sorry, Kara, I'm really busy with this project. Do you want to stay at mine tonight?" She asked, holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder and cheek whilst she polished the stone hopefully to the right shape this time. The metal mound had finally been formed, now that she'd subverted the issue of changing the shape of a practically unbreakable metal, let alone creating a chain from it. But after weeks of scheming, she'd finally managed.  
"Aww, I'll miss you!" Kara whined, and Lena laughed gently.  
"I'm sorry, baby, I'll be home tonight." She replied absentmindedly, before catching her error in the long pause that followed.  
"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, I-"  
"It's fine, Lena. I'll see you later, yeah?"  
"Yeah. I'll see you later, Kara." Lena said, just before Kara hung up.

She willed herself to take a deep breath, shaking slightly. Lena had called her baby. They'd talked about getting into relationships in the future, and the conversation had always ended with 'but not yet, not until we're better'. 

Kara was beginning to realize that wellness was not easily quantifiable.

There were mornings that she woke up feeling lonelier than ever, and the guilt soon hit her to know that Mon-El was even lonelier. And as much as she was very much not in love with him, not anymore, she'd still subjected him to the same fate she'd suffered for 24 long years in the Phantom Zone.  
And then she'd roll over and see Lena, and everything would be _better_. In fact, whenever she applied the term better to herself, it was always in context of Lena. She felt a better hero when Lena praised her after a rescue. She felt a better friend when she comforted Lena after difficult days. She felt a better person when she and Lena would assemble blanket forts throughout the apartment, snuggle together, and talk about difficult decisions that they had made, and why making them did not make them bad people. Kara felt, that if she were ever to achieve a better, it would be with Lena.

Lena tried not to be angry at herself as she set the stone into the metal. It fit perfectly, and she took a moment to praise whatever lesbian god was looking down on her. She couldn't believe she had slipped up and called Kara baby. Undoubtedly, there had been a definite amount of domesticity to their relationship in the past few months. They had acted as Lena would expect a romantic couple would. But she had just accepted that this was Kara's definition of friendship, and was grateful for any kind of relationship she had with Kara, romantic or otherwise. 

She lifted the necklace to the sun, and then compared it against the image on her desk. They were identical, and Lena was finally satisfied.

\---

"Evening," Kara smiled, moving across Lena's apartment to hug her as she walked in. Lena had long since given her a key, as Kara had her. They frequently alternated apartments, staying wherever felt safest, wherever was most convenient.  
"Hey." Lena smiled back, wrapping her arms around Kara, pulling her close.  
"Kara, I made you something." Lena told her, shakily. Kara frowned.  
"Really? Why are you nervous?" She asked, and Lena could only shrug. All of a sudden she was flooded by doubt. What if this was overstepping? What if Kara thought that she was trying to replace her mother in importance?  
"I don't know if... if it's what you want."  
"I trust you, Lena. I trust that you know me." Kara assured her, stepping back a little. Lena nodded, and reached into her coat pocket for the box.  
"Here. It's... I just thought-" She babbled as Kara took it, and opened it cautiously.  
"I thought it might comfort you. And if you don't like it you can forget it-" Lena added as Kara stared at the necklace. She was broken off many a loud sob that tore from Kara's throat.  
"I'm sorry, Kara, I-"  
"I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I-" Kara repeated, over and over until she closed the lid on the box to keep the necklace safe, as Lena pulled her forwards, as their lips met in a mutual, fervent kiss. Lena cupped Kara's cheek as they kissed, exploring each other's mouths, as tears turned the kiss salty but still so sweet. And when they finally broke apart, Kara's collar of her t-shirt was soaked. She laughed slightly as she wiped her tears away with her free hand, the other still clutching the box. 

She opened it again, holding back tears. It was almost identical.  
"Of course, it's an earth version. It's not the same, but I hoped it would be similar enough to comfort you." Lena whispered as Kara took it from the box. Lena took the box from Kara so that she could put it on.  
"The metal should be unbreakable, at least to you. A decent bomb directly on it would break it, but not much else." Lena told her, and Kara tugged gently on it as if to verify her claims. They held true.  
"Why did you think I wouldn't like it?" Kara asked.  
"I didn't want you to feel like I was trying to replace it or any of the memories associated with it. I didn't want you to feel like I was belittling your experiences. I know it's something that means a lot to you."  
"It was... a gift given to me when my future was uncertain, when I was scared and lonely. Holding it always gave me hope that there would be a time when all of that would change." Kara explained, staring down at it before looking up to Lena.  
"Now is a time when all of that has changed. I don't think I'm uncertain anymore. If I have a future, I want you to be in it. With me." She added. "As long as that's something you want-"  
"Kara Zor-El, I want nothing more than to be in your future." Lena whispered, taking Kara back into her arms. "And I am so glad that you're not scared or lonely anymore."  
"You're the reason, Lena. That I'm not scared or lonely anymore."  
"And you are the reason I'm not scared or lonely either." Lena smiled, resting her head against Kara's for a moment.  
"I am so thankful for you, Lena. For being with me though everything."  
"And I you, Kara. You are truly a super hero. In uniform or out."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't cry. Not once. Promise.
> 
> Hope the ending was satisfying? I love thinking of Kara finding comfort in knowing that Lena cares about her that much. I also love making Manhell irrelevant. He's gone and no longer hurting Kara. Party time!

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, this is probably going to end up 2 chapters because I'm trying to address some of the important things I think the writers should have, including the fact that Kara gave away her only remaining memory of her mother, which I am furious about. I have an idea of how I'm going to fix the situation and it does NOT involve bringing a certain slave owner back.
> 
> I hate to see Kara hurting but I am so thankful Mon-El is gone. I hope you found my take on her thoughts and feelings realistic? I wish the writers would let Lena and Kara heal each other instead of ignoring each other. Do they have any idea how strong female friendships are?
> 
> Kudos and Comments keep me inspired to write. This took a big emotional toll, so literally any thoughts on it will be so deeply valued. I hope you enjoyed it. Find me @a-screaming-gay on tumblr. Thanks for reading!
> 
> (Also if you look, you will see most of my fanfics are named after Idina Menzel song quotes, so when Small World began playing in the finale? I flipped the fuck out. I haven't stopped.)


End file.
